I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy... Ever.

So while I had a super awesome weekend with my family as shown in my last post... there were a few moments that I failed to mention health-wise and while I don't like to focus on my being sick, I definitely feel that I need to write this update. If you are newer to reading my blog and don't know what health issues I'm talking about... read this, or this, or actually, I think I'll start with a general recap for everyone...

Every few weeks (sometimes 2 weeks apart or 2 days apart or 6 weeks apart, etc) I have what I've come to call a "stomach pain attack". It's a VERY sharp, twisting knife-like pain in the center of my ribs that comes on instantly out of nowhere, lasts for anywhere from a half hour to 2 hours, then stops as instantly as it came on. After the attacks, I am incredibly sore for a day or two, almost like I pulled a stomach muscle or like I just did 10,000 situps.

Just a side note - I also have gastritis pretty bad since having my gallbladder removed so I fully understand what acid reflux and heartburn feel like (which don't get me wrong are also both horrible) but this is a completely different type of pain that compared to the other pain feels like a stubbed toe. In order to differentiate the 2 pains when trying to tell Jake how I feel, I call the severe pain "the scary pain"... But let's be honest, scary does not begin to describe it. It is terrifying and horrific and every time it happens (18 times now, but who's counting?) I honestly feel like I must be dying. The pain paralyzes me into a ball on the floor - I can't walk or even form words - all I can do is cry and moan and PRAY HARD.

Up until now, I've always thought that having a "deathly" scary pain meant going to the ER where they WILL fix you, or if they can't fix you they can at least give you good strong meds to make the pain go away. Well, after over a dozen trips to the ER over the past year for this exact pain I have learned that even a triple dose of morphine will not even take the edge off. Not even a little. Whatever this type of pain is, there is no one or nothing that can help me make it stop. That is the most terrifying feeling in the whole world. I've now stopped going to the ER and have learned to get myself through the attacks on my own at home.

Now before you start trying to guess what I might have or what I should have checked or say "I know someone who had blah blah blah" please know that I've tried EVERYTHING short of having an exploratory surgery (which at this point is looking more and more like a logical option). I've had countless tests done, seen multiple doctors and specialists, tried several special diets, and had blood tests done easily over 50 times in the past year. All show me to be completely healthy and the doctors are left baffled... Yet these attacks keep happening, and while they somewhat seem to be growing farther apart in occurrence, they are not at all decreasing in intensity.

More than any other reason, this is why I did not blog for the last 6+ months. When you have a pain like this that takes over your life, it's hard to keep focus on the good things that you have going on. Once I realized that these attacks may never go away, at least not anytime soon, I decided that I was going to learn to live with them as "my" normal and take my life back. And I have! And it's really been a great few months because of that. But the grave reality of the situation is that the attacks are still occurring and greatly affecting my life and if I am going to be honest on my blog, I can't pretend that life is always butterflies and roses.

So with that incredibly drawn out preface I bring you to my most recent update...

The first thing happened Friday morning and was not shocking... I had another routine stomach pain attack starting at 5am for two hours. It had been 4 weeks and 2 days since the last one and when I felt it coming on I got myself prepared and jumped into my "scary pain" mode. It's kind of insane how I've learned to deal with physical pain now - As soon as I feel the sharp pain coming on, I literally take myself mentally to another place and normal Lindsay disappears. I usually set my kitchen timer right away to time how long the pain has gone on and then I pace around the room hunched over until the pain gets to the severe point where I drop to the ground, then I moan through it and repeat memorized verses of scripture to myself or tell myself that it WILL end, that it ALWAYS has ended. Having been over a month since the last attack, I knew that it would be coming again soon so I was mentally prepared and handled this round pretty well. When it was over, I just went back to sleep, woke up around noon and then went about my normal day, feeling really sore but determined to push through it. I went on to have a completely wonderful Saturday and Sunday, which were both almost completely pain-free. It was an awesome Easter weekend!

Then on Monday morning, I woke up at 5:30am to another round of "the scary pain". I kept waiting for it to hit that point where I would drop to the ground in dying pain but instead it just kind of hovered at the same level of uncomfortable pain, never growing, and this pain stayed around for over 4 hours. This was not at all normal because every single other attack I've had has been exactly the same, quick and instant severe pain never lasting longer than 2 hours max.

I managed to fall back asleep through that pain but then a few hours later I woke up suddenly and RAN to the bathroom barely making it as I started furiously vomiting (sorry for the graphics... but its about to get worse so stop reading if you need to). The vomit was not a normal "I have the stomach flu, watery yellow vomit"... no, it was dark green and black and the texture and shape looked like (for lack of better words) it should have been coming out the other end of me. For the next almost 12 hours I continued to throw up anytime I would try to eat or drink anything at all. I tried taking pepto bismol and even that made me throw up. By the end of all this, I was so miserable and dehydrated that I could barely pick myself up of the floor. Thank goodness I was still in Turlock and my family was there to take care of me. By 7pm I was finally able to keep down a very small meal, start re hydrating myself, and get a good night's sleep.

I thought for sure that I had gotten food poisoning or a nasty virus or something (which could still be a possibility) but after talking with my doctor it seems that there's a good chance that it's connected with my stomach pain issues due to the color/texture of the vomit. Oh gosh, I really hope that it never comes back again. I finally just now am to the point where I can semi-handle the pain attacks, but to add this to the aftermath of them would just be so insanely miserable. Lord, what could you possibly be trying to teach me through all of this? I guess only time will tell. In the meantime, I have more medical tests scheduled, one test coming up this Friday and the other on May 10th. Please keep praying for me as I search for an answer and hope for a miracle. Thanks for reading.