Torn between two sides of myself.

This week has been insane! Sadly though I think I have gotten used to having way too much homework to do and surprisingly have been doing well to get it all done. I've been trying to fill whatever extra time I do have with anything and everything though to keep my mind off of missing Jake. I even taught myself to knit and am making a scarf! (yeah I know I'm a grandma right?). But its hard to think that we've only been apart less than 2 weeks and I am missing him like crazy. I say its hard because I know that this summer we will be apart for 6 weeks while he's at training and realistically I know thats not the longest we will have to be apart during his Air Force career. I really am thankful for his career though. It is giving us the opportunity to do so many different things, see new places, and meet new people.

As I am getting ready to say so many goodbyes this week, I am kind of torn in two. One side of me can't imagine leaving my best friends. I had to do that already when I left Turlock 4 years ago and to do that again makes my heart hurt. Some of the best friends I will ever have are here, at Biola. Everyone seems to be sad too. It seems like everything I do lately is "the last time" I will do it. For example "my last class" or "my last fountain time" (sorry if that makes no sense...its a tradition with our friends to sit and talk for an hour by the fountain after chapels before we go to lunch). Its hard to think of leaving everything I know to go to a place I can barely even imagine. I mean, I've only ever lived in California and really do not know what to expect in Mississippi! My whole world as I know it is about to change.

But then there is this other side of me; the side that won't let me be sad because every time I start to get sad, this part of me overrides it. This is the side of extreme excitement! Anyone who knows me, knows that I am an independent person who actually really loves change. In fact, I get bored with things (places, etc.) after a pretty short time. God built me for my destiny as an Air Force wife. I can't imagine all the exciting things that are waiting for me after we move. I can't be sad because I am so ready for the next phase of my life. I'm ready to make new friends; not that there's anything wrong with my friends now because they are amazing but you can never have enough friends right? I have been preparing for this move for over a year now and am finding it hard to believe that everything is really going to change...on Tuesday!!

If I seem like I am not sad enough about leaving and moving on, its not because I am anxious to leave friends, family, and Biola, because I will miss this place more than I even realize right now. But I am so overwhelmed with the exciting future that lays before me that I cant waste time concentrating on being sad. I don't want to leave with sad "goodbyes" but with a happy "see ya again soon ok?" I mean with cell phones and facebook I think everyone will still know so much about my life.

So this is where I am at; trying to take in every "last time" that I am experiencing. But I can't hide my happiness and the joy of having a new home that is all about my new life with my new family (me, Jake, and our soon to be new puppy!).

Life is good. Change is good. Moving on is hard, but change is good! And I am ready...