So while I had a super awesome weekend with my family as shown in my last post... there were a few moments that I failed to mention health-wise and while I don't like to focus on my being sick, I definitely feel that I need to write this update. If you are newer to reading my blog and don't know what health issues I'm talking about... read this, or this, or actually, I think I'll start with a general recap for everyone...
Every few weeks (sometimes 2 weeks apart or 2 days apart or 6 weeks apart, etc) I have what I've come to call a "stomach pain attack". It's a VERY sharp, twisting knife-like pain in the center of my ribs that comes on instantly out of nowhere, lasts for anywhere from a half hour to 2 hours, then stops as instantly as it came on. After the attacks, I am incredibly sore for a day or two, almost like I pulled a stomach muscle or like I just did 10,000 situps.
Just a side note - I also have gastritis pretty bad since having my gallbladder removed so I fully understand what acid reflux and heartburn feel like (which don't get me wrong are also both horrible) but this is a completely different type of pain that compared to the other pain feels like a stubbed toe. In order to differentiate the 2 pains when trying to tell Jake how I feel, I call the severe pain "the scary pain"... But let's be honest, scary does not begin to describe it. It is terrifying and horrific and every time it happens (18 times now, but who's counting?) I honestly feel like I must be dying. The pain paralyzes me into a ball on the floor - I can't walk or even form words - all I can do is cry and moan and PRAY HARD.
Up until now, I've always thought that having a "deathly" scary pain meant going to the ER where they WILL fix you, or if they can't fix you they can at least give you good strong meds to make the pain go away. Well, after over a dozen trips to the ER over the past year for this exact pain I have learned that even a triple dose of morphine will not even take the edge off. Not even a little. Whatever this type of pain is, there is no one or nothing that can help me make it stop. That is the most terrifying feeling in the whole world. I've now stopped going to the ER and have learned to get myself through the attacks on my own at home.
Now before you start trying to guess what I might have or what I should have checked or say "I know someone who had blah blah blah" please know that I've tried EVERYTHING short of having an exploratory surgery (which at this point is looking more and more like a logical option). I've had countless tests done, seen multiple doctors and specialists, tried several special diets, and had blood tests done easily over 50 times in the past year. All show me to be completely healthy and the doctors are left baffled... Yet these attacks keep happening, and while they somewhat seem to be growing farther apart in occurrence, they are not at all decreasing in intensity.
More than any other reason, this is why I did not blog for the last 6+ months. When you have a pain like this that takes over your life, it's hard to keep focus on the good things that you have going on. Once I realized that these attacks may never go away, at least not anytime soon, I decided that I was going to learn to live with them as "my" normal and take my life back. And I have! And it's really been a great few months because of that. But the grave reality of the situation is that the attacks are still occurring and greatly affecting my life and if I am going to be honest on my blog, I can't pretend that life is always butterflies and roses.
So with that incredibly drawn out preface I bring you to my most recent update...
The first thing happened Friday morning and was not shocking... I had another routine stomach pain attack starting at 5am for two hours. It had been 4 weeks and 2 days since the last one and when I felt it coming on I got myself prepared and jumped into my "scary pain" mode. It's kind of insane how I've learned to deal with physical pain now - As soon as I feel the sharp pain coming on, I literally take myself mentally to another place and normal Lindsay disappears. I usually set my kitchen timer right away to time how long the pain has gone on and then I pace around the room hunched over until the pain gets to the severe point where I drop to the ground, then I moan through it and repeat memorized verses of scripture to myself or tell myself that it WILL end, that it ALWAYS has ended. Having been over a month since the last attack, I knew that it would be coming again soon so I was mentally prepared and handled this round pretty well. When it was over, I just went back to sleep, woke up around noon and then went about my normal day, feeling really sore but determined to push through it. I went on to have a completely wonderful Saturday and Sunday, which were both almost completely pain-free. It was an awesome Easter weekend!
Then on Monday morning, I woke up at 5:30am to another round of "the scary pain". I kept waiting for it to hit that point where I would drop to the ground in dying pain but instead it just kind of hovered at the same level of uncomfortable pain, never growing, and this pain stayed around for over 4 hours. This was not at all normal because every single other attack I've had has been exactly the same, quick and instant severe pain never lasting longer than 2 hours max.
I managed to fall back asleep through that pain but then a few hours later I woke up suddenly and RAN to the bathroom barely making it as I started furiously vomiting (sorry for the graphics... but its about to get worse so stop reading if you need to). The vomit was not a normal "I have the stomach flu, watery yellow vomit"... no, it was dark green and black and the texture and shape looked like (for lack of better words) it should have been coming out the other end of me. For the next almost 12 hours I continued to throw up anytime I would try to eat or drink anything at all. I tried taking pepto bismol and even that made me throw up. By the end of all this, I was so miserable and dehydrated that I could barely pick myself up of the floor. Thank goodness I was still in Turlock and my family was there to take care of me. By 7pm I was finally able to keep down a very small meal, start re hydrating myself, and get a good night's sleep.
I thought for sure that I had gotten food poisoning or a nasty virus or something (which could still be a possibility) but after talking with my doctor it seems that there's a good chance that it's connected with my stomach pain issues due to the color/texture of the vomit. Oh gosh, I really hope that it never comes back again. I finally just now am to the point where I can semi-handle the pain attacks, but to add this to the aftermath of them would just be so insanely miserable. Lord, what could you possibly be trying to teach me through all of this? I guess only time will tell. In the meantime, I have more medical tests scheduled, one test coming up this Friday and the other on May 10th. Please keep praying for me as I search for an answer and hope for a miracle. Thanks for reading.
Easter weekend in Turlock
I hope you all had a fun Easter weekend! Mine was full of friends, family, laughter and sunshine in Turlock. The dogs and I arrived in Turlock on Thursday afternoon and it felt so nice to be back "home". For the first few hours I just enjoyed the beautiful sunshine and relaxed with my mom and pups out in the yard.
That night, I went to watch part of Seth's karate class which was a lot of fun. I was such a proud big sister!
After karate, we went over to my grandparents house and had some yummy potroast (my favorite meal!) and visited for a few hours.
On Friday, I slept late, spent a fun afternoon with my mom (before she left for vacation in Palm Springs the next day), and then had a great girls night with my best friends. The dogs had a great day enjoying my parents big yard and this is what they looked like by the end of the day. Crashed out bookends!
Saturday was a very special day... it was my sweet little Audrie's 3rd birthday party! Being that her mom, Becca is one of my closest friends, Audrie is like family to me and I love it that she calls me "Auntie Lindsay". I wouldn't have missed her super awesome "princess party" for anything :)
Saturday night I had a fun night out with the girls, catching up, running into old friends, and laughing A LOT!
Sunday was of course Easter and I started the day by going to church with my dad and brother. I absolutely love the church my dad attends - the worship is super powerful and the preacher always does a great job. After church, we did an Easter egg hunt with my brother and I'm pretty sure all the sugar got to his head really quick because here is how our photo shoot went...
My family all came over to my grandparents for an Easter backyard BBQ and it was an absolute BLAST! My grandpa brought out an old box of photos of all of us and we laughed hysterically for hours. So many great times and memories! Later that night I relaxed at home and snuggled up with a very cuddly puppy.
The next 2 days were not as wonderful as the weekend was (...to be explained in my next post) but the trip to Turlock overall has been awesome! I'm planning to head back to Travis sometime on Thursday and will get busy back to work on my website and business. For the time being though, I am SO enjoying my family and friends and spending every second I can with them while I'm here.
Hope you all had a fantastic Easter weekend celebrating with loved ones!
That night, I went to watch part of Seth's karate class which was a lot of fun. I was such a proud big sister!
After karate, we went over to my grandparents house and had some yummy potroast (my favorite meal!) and visited for a few hours.
On Friday, I slept late, spent a fun afternoon with my mom (before she left for vacation in Palm Springs the next day), and then had a great girls night with my best friends. The dogs had a great day enjoying my parents big yard and this is what they looked like by the end of the day. Crashed out bookends!
Saturday was a very special day... it was my sweet little Audrie's 3rd birthday party! Being that her mom, Becca is one of my closest friends, Audrie is like family to me and I love it that she calls me "Auntie Lindsay". I wouldn't have missed her super awesome "princess party" for anything :)
Saturday night I had a fun night out with the girls, catching up, running into old friends, and laughing A LOT!
Sunday was of course Easter and I started the day by going to church with my dad and brother. I absolutely love the church my dad attends - the worship is super powerful and the preacher always does a great job. After church, we did an Easter egg hunt with my brother and I'm pretty sure all the sugar got to his head really quick because here is how our photo shoot went...
My family all came over to my grandparents for an Easter backyard BBQ and it was an absolute BLAST! My grandpa brought out an old box of photos of all of us and we laughed hysterically for hours. So many great times and memories! Later that night I relaxed at home and snuggled up with a very cuddly puppy.
The next 2 days were not as wonderful as the weekend was (...to be explained in my next post) but the trip to Turlock overall has been awesome! I'm planning to head back to Travis sometime on Thursday and will get busy back to work on my website and business. For the time being though, I am SO enjoying my family and friends and spending every second I can with them while I'm here.
Hope you all had a fantastic Easter weekend celebrating with loved ones!
Motivation Strikes!
- - - - Tuesday, April 3, 2012 - - - -
This past few days since I returned from Sacramento have been very productive, hence my lack of writing. As soon as the rain finally stopped I found myself on a mission to fix up our backyard - and boy, did it need fixing! The dogs have pretty much owned the yard since we moved in a year ago and because of that it has been looking very sad. In the spring/summer/fall, one of my favorite things to do with Jake is to just sit on our porch in the backyard and grill and relax and talk about our day... so I decided that while Jake is away I will turn our yard into something we can really enjoy and actually be proud of!
So I put on some old clothes, pulled on my garden gloves, blasted some good country music and got to work! Here's a play by play of some of the things I did:
Anyways, yes I have been very motivated to get stuff done lately and so I've not spent as much time online blogging and facebooking as I usually do. Tomorrow the excitement continues with a day of "deep" cleaning the entire house (haha!), something that desperately needs to be done and something that is SO easy to put off when Jake is away. Okay now that I've completely bored you to death... let's move on to a new topic :)
- - - - - - - - -
Another area that motivation has struck is with my design business. After thoroughly enjoying a month off of work, the wheels are now really starting to turn in my head with a ton of new ideas about my relaunch. At this point, I'm trying to figure out exactly what direction I want to go design-wise. Previously I have focused solely on blog and website design, with almost all of that being custom designs. Right now I'm toying around with some different options in addition to web design such as print design (invitations, cards, etc), logos/branding, and website/blog templates. Because of my schooling I have enough experience and a good enough portfolio to pursue any of those options but I'm still going to need to do some research and see what's the best idea.
I definitely don't want to spread myself too thin... I also don't want to let myself get bored or run down by only focusing on one aspect of design, which is what had begun to happen last time after a full year of only doing blog design 30+ hours a week.
On top of those decisions, there are several other things that need to be done before I bring on any new clients/projects. I need to rebuild my website (which is easily a 40+ hour commitment on it's own), refresh my branding/logo, and then rework all of the tedious aspects of small business such as preparing the contracts, the business plan, the instructional pdfs, the pricing structure, the accounting, refining my contact list, and strategically placing my advertisements.
Oh gosh, this post has turned into a wacky to-do list.
If you've actually managed to read this entire post - BRAVO!
I'm sure you're now either totally bored or completely overwhelmed...
So anyways the main goal here is to have my design studio ready to relaunch by the time Jake gets home in roughly 6 weeks. I know it's going to be a lot to tackle (and the thought of it all makes me want to only procrastinate more) so hopefully this motivation keeps up!
I've built this business into a full time job/salary once before... can't be any harder the second time around, right?? Yikes... Thanks for listening to my chattering thoughts :)
So I put on some old clothes, pulled on my garden gloves, blasted some good country music and got to work! Here's a play by play of some of the things I did:
- Weeded the yard... which is kind of a ridiculous task in yard that has never been weeded in the entire year we've lived here
- Got loads of dirt to fill in all of the holes that Bailey has had fun digging
- Reseeded and fertilized all of the bare spots in the grass... again, it was really ridiculous how many there were
- Mowed the whole lawn again because it has been growing out of control with all the rain
- Installed a new fence to keep the dogs in only a certain portion of the yard
- Put out pretty new patio cushions and other outdoor decorations that have been put away for winter
- Installed rod iron plant hangers on the fence posts
- Cleaned/organized our outdoor storage shed
Anyways, yes I have been very motivated to get stuff done lately and so I've not spent as much time online blogging and facebooking as I usually do. Tomorrow the excitement continues with a day of "deep" cleaning the entire house (haha!), something that desperately needs to be done and something that is SO easy to put off when Jake is away. Okay now that I've completely bored you to death... let's move on to a new topic :)
- - - - - - - - -
Another area that motivation has struck is with my design business. After thoroughly enjoying a month off of work, the wheels are now really starting to turn in my head with a ton of new ideas about my relaunch. At this point, I'm trying to figure out exactly what direction I want to go design-wise. Previously I have focused solely on blog and website design, with almost all of that being custom designs. Right now I'm toying around with some different options in addition to web design such as print design (invitations, cards, etc), logos/branding, and website/blog templates. Because of my schooling I have enough experience and a good enough portfolio to pursue any of those options but I'm still going to need to do some research and see what's the best idea.
I definitely don't want to spread myself too thin... I also don't want to let myself get bored or run down by only focusing on one aspect of design, which is what had begun to happen last time after a full year of only doing blog design 30+ hours a week.
On top of those decisions, there are several other things that need to be done before I bring on any new clients/projects. I need to rebuild my website (which is easily a 40+ hour commitment on it's own), refresh my branding/logo, and then rework all of the tedious aspects of small business such as preparing the contracts, the business plan, the instructional pdfs, the pricing structure, the accounting, refining my contact list, and strategically placing my advertisements.
Oh gosh, this post has turned into a wacky to-do list.
If you've actually managed to read this entire post - BRAVO!
I'm sure you're now either totally bored or completely overwhelmed...
So anyways the main goal here is to have my design studio ready to relaunch by the time Jake gets home in roughly 6 weeks. I know it's going to be a lot to tackle (and the thought of it all makes me want to only procrastinate more) so hopefully this motivation keeps up!
I've built this business into a full time job/salary once before... can't be any harder the second time around, right?? Yikes... Thanks for listening to my chattering thoughts :)
This Year's "Spring Break"
- - - - Saturday, March 31, 2012 - - - -
After my doctor appointment on Tuesday, I packed my bags, loaded up the dogs and headed out to visit Jake's family for the week in Northern California, just north of Sacramento. Jake's mom and aunt drove down from Oregon for their spring break (hoping for sunshine even though we just got rain, rain, rain) and we were all excited for some fun girl time. I was so thankful that I was able to bring the dogs with me to Cynthia's house and it felt nice to get away from base for a few days.
On Wednesday we drove into Roseville for a shopping day at the Galleria and it was such a fun surprise that my mom decided to drive up and join us! I have to note that before we started our shopping spree, we stopped for lunch to stuff ourselves with the best tacos in the world (Jimboys) - I'm pretty sure I could eat those tacos every day :) After that we spent most of the day shopping the mall and then ended with a birthday dinner for Connie at The Cheesecake Factory. Sound like an awesome day? It was just about perfect! I love my family!
On Thursday we decided to shop the thrift stores in the area and see if we could find any hidden treasures. We had a great time and all walked away with bags of fun stuff! I spent a whopping $4 total for the items pictured below. I got a really cool 3-sided vase which I'm debating using with a candle or maybe as a reed diffuser ($.50), a gorgeous spring wreath ($1.50), and two of my all time FAVORITE games, Rummikub and Apples to Apples (each only $1!). I got some more things as well but these were my best "steals" by far.
The dogs had a great time too and spent their days exploring Cynthia's yard (which is giant compared to our little one) and running up and down her stairs multiple times :) I was a little nervous about taking them with me because they are definitely a handful to travel with without Jake but they behaved really well and were worn out every single day. I love my sweet doggies!
This afternoon I headed back to base feeling very thankful for a nice week away. Time is flying by and we're almost to the halfway point in this deployment. Let me hear a woo hoooo!
On Wednesday we drove into Roseville for a shopping day at the Galleria and it was such a fun surprise that my mom decided to drive up and join us! I have to note that before we started our shopping spree, we stopped for lunch to stuff ourselves with the best tacos in the world (Jimboys) - I'm pretty sure I could eat those tacos every day :) After that we spent most of the day shopping the mall and then ended with a birthday dinner for Connie at The Cheesecake Factory. Sound like an awesome day? It was just about perfect! I love my family!
On Thursday we decided to shop the thrift stores in the area and see if we could find any hidden treasures. We had a great time and all walked away with bags of fun stuff! I spent a whopping $4 total for the items pictured below. I got a really cool 3-sided vase which I'm debating using with a candle or maybe as a reed diffuser ($.50), a gorgeous spring wreath ($1.50), and two of my all time FAVORITE games, Rummikub and Apples to Apples (each only $1!). I got some more things as well but these were my best "steals" by far.
The dogs had a great time too and spent their days exploring Cynthia's yard (which is giant compared to our little one) and running up and down her stairs multiple times :) I was a little nervous about taking them with me because they are definitely a handful to travel with without Jake but they behaved really well and were worn out every single day. I love my sweet doggies!
This afternoon I headed back to base feeling very thankful for a nice week away. Time is flying by and we're almost to the halfway point in this deployment. Let me hear a woo hoooo!
GI Motility Specialist
On Tuesday I had my long-awaited appointment with the GI Motility Specialist at UC Davis in regards to my stomach pain spasms. I've had many of you email, text, and call to ask how it went (thank you so much for that!) and so I thought I'd write a little update. I really don't have too much to say at this point being that it was just a consultation and no tests were done that day but overall the appointment went really well and I liked the new doctor a lot.
I was really nervous going in because it felt like the millionth time I would have to explain what has been going on to someone new and every time I see a new doctor I feel like I have to try to convince him/her about the severity of the situation and that they never fully listen to all my symptoms/explanation. I've found that past doctors tend to just pick out a few of the symptoms and match it to a general syndrome that is nowhere near accurate to what I'm going through. I'm so happy to say that this doctor was not like that at all. In fact, the appointment was over an hour long because he asked me about a hundred questions and wanted to know every detail about the attacks, what tests I've had done, meds and diets I've tried, etc. He knows that I've seen many doctors and wants to make sure he knows the entire scope of what's been going on. He was very "matter of fact" about it all and showed no emotion or sympathy for me as I sat there fighting back tears (and not doing very well at that) while describing what it feels like to be paralyzed with shrieking pain out of nowhere... to think I must be dying... to have it keep happening with not even a slight indication as to why. But honestly I really don't need or want a doctor's sympathy at this point; instead, I just need someone who wants to try to fix me. And this doctor really really does... and that is awesome!
At the end of the appointment, he sent me to the lab for some more bloodwork (seems like I'm a pro at that now when that used to be one of my greatest fears) and he is setting me up for a few more tests. All of them are very non-invasive thankfully. I made it clear to the doctor that I don't want any more tests done that involve radiation - In the past year I've had 2 MRIs and 2 CT scans, each including various types of contrast dye. I know that is VERY bad on my young body and honestly if they didn't find anything with those 4 tests there should be no reason to keep doing them. The doctor found this to be a reasonable request and just asked for me to send over the images from my those previous tests so that he can take a closer look at them himself.
So that's where I stand as of now. Waiting, waiting, praying, hoping, waiting, and more waiting.
Last time I went a whole 7 weeks between my attacks which was a huge record! ...But then I had 2 back to back attacks on the mornings of March 8th and 9th which got me discouraged all over again. I've never had 2 back to back like that and it was so hard for my body and mind to handle. It was very scary. I pray desperately every day, multiple times a day, for God to take this pain away from me and never let it come back. I believe that He will. Even if it is not this time or even the next I have faith that God does not want or intend for me to suffer like this forever, and WHEN he heals me I will have a wonderful testimony to share with the world :)
Thank you all for your prayers! Keep 'em coming please, especially while Jake is away and I battle these attacks on my own. I'll be sure to keep you all updated on any and all progress.
I was really nervous going in because it felt like the millionth time I would have to explain what has been going on to someone new and every time I see a new doctor I feel like I have to try to convince him/her about the severity of the situation and that they never fully listen to all my symptoms/explanation. I've found that past doctors tend to just pick out a few of the symptoms and match it to a general syndrome that is nowhere near accurate to what I'm going through. I'm so happy to say that this doctor was not like that at all. In fact, the appointment was over an hour long because he asked me about a hundred questions and wanted to know every detail about the attacks, what tests I've had done, meds and diets I've tried, etc. He knows that I've seen many doctors and wants to make sure he knows the entire scope of what's been going on. He was very "matter of fact" about it all and showed no emotion or sympathy for me as I sat there fighting back tears (and not doing very well at that) while describing what it feels like to be paralyzed with shrieking pain out of nowhere... to think I must be dying... to have it keep happening with not even a slight indication as to why. But honestly I really don't need or want a doctor's sympathy at this point; instead, I just need someone who wants to try to fix me. And this doctor really really does... and that is awesome!
At the end of the appointment, he sent me to the lab for some more bloodwork (seems like I'm a pro at that now when that used to be one of my greatest fears) and he is setting me up for a few more tests. All of them are very non-invasive thankfully. I made it clear to the doctor that I don't want any more tests done that involve radiation - In the past year I've had 2 MRIs and 2 CT scans, each including various types of contrast dye. I know that is VERY bad on my young body and honestly if they didn't find anything with those 4 tests there should be no reason to keep doing them. The doctor found this to be a reasonable request and just asked for me to send over the images from my those previous tests so that he can take a closer look at them himself.
So that's where I stand as of now. Waiting, waiting, praying, hoping, waiting, and more waiting.
Last time I went a whole 7 weeks between my attacks which was a huge record! ...But then I had 2 back to back attacks on the mornings of March 8th and 9th which got me discouraged all over again. I've never had 2 back to back like that and it was so hard for my body and mind to handle. It was very scary. I pray desperately every day, multiple times a day, for God to take this pain away from me and never let it come back. I believe that He will. Even if it is not this time or even the next I have faith that God does not want or intend for me to suffer like this forever, and WHEN he heals me I will have a wonderful testimony to share with the world :)
Thank you all for your prayers! Keep 'em coming please, especially while Jake is away and I battle these attacks on my own. I'll be sure to keep you all updated on any and all progress.
